Half yearly updates - 2016 - Part I(Jan - June)

JANUARY - 2016

When combining‘re’ and ‘solution’:

What resolution to take? It is better to re-visit all the problems faced in 2015 and find a solution, which can be called re-solution.

Horns make noise, no?

So the Bull taming sport Jallikattu is back and the news is making quite a noise in Tamilnadu, why? Because the bull has two horns.
*Jallikattu*

Some lessons are learnt better with bitter experiences:

Social service is like walking besides thorns, CROOKS would be walking with you and any time they WILL push you on the thorns. So ci al factors before getting into social service. 
*I say it is better to mind your own business*

Height of Dryness:
Even Pongal, the harvest festival, for me, translates as golden gal. Sigh.
*Happy Pongal* *Fun intended*

My passport’s status:

So now it takes only a week to get a passport? Damn, it took 45 days of untiring efforts for my passport which was taken on high aspirations, but even it hasn't travelled out from my locked briefcase

FEBRUARY

This shows that I am dried up pretty worse:

FEBRUARY, the month of love is romantic for people who are committed but for guys like us, who are dried up pretty worse, this month is FEBWORRY. Furthermore, for wino's who are single and failed in love, FEBREWERY.

These pandemic diseases are a big worry:

"Every end is a sign of a new beginning".
How true is the above aphorism on the recent pandemic diseases? Ebol'A' scare ended, 'Z'ika began. Sadly, Zik'A' also indicates a new beginning.

Valentine’s Day thoughts:

Committed: Valentine's week.
Single: Valentine is weak

Love is owing. Owing your time, emotion and everything to your loved ones. So, Let love be Lowe.
*Happy Valentine's day* *Serious update? Watch out for more puns today*

Valentine's day fell on 'S'unda'Y', good that a meaningful truth is subtly implied. Love always starts with a 'S' and ends with a lot of 'Y', no?

Valentine's Day is on a holiday or to say in a usual girl's response in love, leave.

Love is like a tree. Relationship is trunk. Boys, branches. Girls, leaves.

This Shane Warne is a shithead:

Shane Warne puts his head inside a box full of reptiles in a reality show and gets nipped by an Anaconda.
Anaconda: Who are you da?
Warne: Aniconda.
Anaconda: *bites* if you are Anaconda, who am I da?
Warne: *groans* dei, I said I am An-icon-da.

When V IV is 54:

Brendon McCullum gets embarrassed hitting the fastest ton in '54' balls in his last test because he surpassed his idol Viv Richards who hit in 56 balls.
Viv was his idol? Viv = 54, no? Destined?

March

What does March mean? My version:

As February, the month of love ended, March should have some meaning. What would it be? 
We should be the Masters of architecting our life, no? Is that why the name M arch?

Tamilnadu Elections and the dates turned Symbolic:

So the polling is on May 16th and results on May 19th.

Promises of politicians till polling - 1'6'.
Promises of politicians after polling - 1'9'.

Turning 16 upside down is 19, no? How SYMBOLIC.

When disorder orders:

Health: Obey my order.
I: What order?
Health: Disorder.
*Sigh*

Tamilnadu Elections and Vijayakanth combo:

Vijaykanth wants to stand alone. Leave out the alliance; can he at least stand alone on stage without the mic stand?

Random Thought:

If being static is sitting idle, then, being in motion is also sitting, no?

Pi day and Pykara:

Pi Day: Ooty people have a reason to celebrate Pi Day:

19 KMS from Ooty, we have a place known for its picturesque waterfalls which comprises of 60 meters approx. Dividing 60/19 we get 3.14 approx. That's PiKara for us.
*Should have gone there today*

Cricket:ICC World Cup T20:

Budding bowlers getting advice from Nehra:

Last over:

Pandya: How to bowl.
Nehra: Nehra
Pandya: How to bowllll????
Nehra: Nehra
Pandya: Dei, How to bowlllllll???
Nehra: Nehra.

That's how he bowled straight getting advice from Nehra.

The Prime numbers showed their prime form:

New Zealand, throughout this tournament has been in prime form. Nevertheless, today's score 153 relates to prime, no?
*EngvsNZ* *Prime numbers*

This would be the most romantic activity of a beau done to his lady love:

The hijacking of the Egyptair flight was for love? The hijacker's favourite movie should be Titanic and his favourite dialogue should be of that of Kate Winslet's 'Hi, Jack'.
*Egyptair hijack*

April

What sense these spurious baba's make? (To people who can understand Tamil).

This Baba, Sri Sri are called Irattai Kelavi in Tamil which when segregated makes no sense at all as the real Sri Sri's and Baba's. 
*Baba Ramdev*

Mahavir Jayanti

So Jain people celebrate Mahavir Jayanti today? If so why not this day be called as Mahavir Jainti?
*Mahavir Jayanti*

Random Thought:

When it comes to manage, a male is considered first. How did that happen? Simple, a male from child, as 'ages' pass by, he becomes a 'man', thereby he manages. That is how the term would have been coined.

Earth day:

Earth anagrams to Heart. Save yourself.

May

Ooty: When tourists throng to Ooty:

Season month for tourists- May.
Season month for locals - Mayhem.

Akshaya Tritiya: My version

Once there was a kid called Akshay of a middle class family who was seen as precious as gold. As he grew he became very naughty that none could bear his atrocities. And people started complaining his father yov 'Akshaya tiruthya'. That's how Gold makes atrocities.
*My version of Akshaya Tritiya history* *If you can understand the analogy*

International Nurses Day:

A nurse, through out her career, from start to end, serves for 'you' (If you become a patient some point in time). A true altruist, no? To prove logically, start = N, end = e, forms - Ne = "you'.
*Happy Nurses day*

Election results:

People in power should be suffocating now and their oxygen is vote. That's why it sounds O2 in Tamil.
*TN elections*

When Badagas of Ooty expect for ST status:

Do you have any major occupation?
Badagas: Yes, tea.
*See even the major occupation of ours sounds ST* *Badugas exclusives*

June

How did Ooty get its name? My version:

A stranger once asked the native:
Stranger: What is your major occupation?
Native: Tea.
Stranger: Oo tea?

Politics:

When the taxes multiple:

BJP government is multi taksing.

Subramaniam Swamy and BJP:

Initially, BJP said 'S' to induct him. Now, in the end, many asks 'Y' is he still in the party. Who? 
'S'ubramanin Swam'Y'.

What does Monsoon mean to guys joining in Coimbatore colleges?

So monsoon is going to hit Kerala in two days? Chill climate, heavy rain, all good only. As college admissions are vigorously happening, students(males) in TN should be very happy to welcome rain, wind and even cyclones from Kerala. 
*After all cyclones carry women's name always*

How money plays its part:

So, Salman Khan is expected to apologise which he won't. Let us imagine he is apologising, that too in Tamil, how will he apologise?
Moneyungal.
*That's how he escapes, no?*

Brexit and India’s worry:

Yesterday: People of UK's worry - EU.
Today: People of India's worry - AU.
*Au - Gold* *what rush at Joy Alukkas, Coimbatore*

Disclaimer:

All political and religious views are personal and not to offend. If found offensive, I am a 5.3" lilliputian and very much coward enough to defend even verbal violence. To those who feel the updates are mokkai, well, what can you expect from a vetti fellow? Those who think all the above are an act of plagiarism, I pity your ignorance. All are self thought. Fun intended.